EVEN IF

Keeping our emotions in check is a very difficult thing. Wouldn't you agree?  Many of our emotions are dependent on our circumstances.  We get frustrated if things don't go our way.  We get  angry if someone cuts us off in traffic or we feel that some injustice has been done to us.  We are sad if we lose someone we love. We feel insecure if we are not being recognized. We may be disappointed if someone else wins a record-breaking lottery. Those are all natural emotions. However, we have to exercise some control. II Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us the spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline."  It has always comforted me to know that the one emotion that I know can remain constant is joy. No matter what I am experiencing, my joy can never be altered because it is not dependent on my circumstances but on the hope that I have in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

I have MORE good news! There is an emotion that we do not have to control:  unashamedness.  Yes, it's a word. I looked it up. It is the feeling of no remorse, shame or embarrassment.  In fact it can be an impossible one to control. In Acts 4, Peter and John have just been released from jail and have been told not to speak the name of Jesus again.   Acts 4:20 shows their response. "As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard." They just couldn't help it! They HAD to speak about it.

Wouldn't it be great if our faith was as natural as our emotions that want to explode from our inner being?  Three young men in the Bible have become my new heroes lately as I have examined one little phrase that they said to King Nebuchadnezzar as they were getting ready to be thrown into the fiery furnace. Here is the passage from Daniel 3:16-19:   "16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." 19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed."

Did you catch the phrase that hit me? In verse 18 , the words BUT EVEN  IF hit me like a brick. They were so sure of the fact that the Lord was their Defender and that He was able to save them. They even said, "He WILL rescue us from your hand".  These boys were wise enough to know that the way in which God chose to defend them and rescue them may not necessarily look like what they felt rescuing was, but they would be rescued nonetheless. No matter what they were being threatened with , they were not willing to compromise their faith.  "EVEN IF He does not...we will not serve your gods." That's a boundary, if I've ever seen one!  What courage! Do you have that kind of faith? EVEN IF things don't go your way, are you going to continue to serve God?  No matter what's at stake, are you willing to live in obedience and trust that God will rescue you? Are you willing to take it a step further, as these young men did, and be unashamed and proclaim boldly that you will continue to serve your God?

It made me reflect on a few of my EVEN IF moments from the past. EVEN IF my marriage fails, am I going to continue to serve? EVEN IF I have a miscarriage, am I going continue to praise the name of the Lord? EVEN IF it takes me over a year to conceive again, am I going to acknowledge that the Lord is in control? EVEN IF my house burns down, am I going to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength?  EVEN  IF I have to sit back and helplessly watch my husband go through the loss of his ailing father and muster the strength to preach at his funeral, am I going to fall at the feet of Jesus and thank Him for that trial?

Here is my honest answer. I got angry. I asked, "Why?" I cried many tears throughout my trials. However,  I never lost my joy or my hope and I never doubted who I was or Whose I was. I remember the pastor from our previous church asking me how I was doing after our house fire. I gave a one word answer, "Victorious." Believe me, I was just as surprised as he was with the answer that automatically came out of my mouth. I am victorious in any situation because I am the daughter of the King Most High! I am Royalty and I choose to have EVEN IF faith!

Isn't it Funny?

Isn't it funny how you have different friends for different needs in your life? In my last post, I shared about the encouragement I receive from my writing pals.  Today, I want to give a shout out to my church sisters.   Again, it is a group of women who "get" me, but on a different level than my writing buddies do. So maybe I should change the initial question of "Isn't it funny?" to "Isn't God good?!"

We are knit together with so many different characteristics that one person couldn't possibly relate to them all. God was the Knitter, He knows that so He brings little pockets of people to encourage each of our attributes.  Even our husbands can't relate on every level. They definitely serve a purpose and meet needs that our girlfriends can't in the areas of protecting, providing, ... and stuff. God brings certain people across our paths for a reason: to supply a need, to spur us on, to laugh with us.

I have  mentioned before that my husband and I have quite the opposite senses of humor. Here is another example. We were at a church music concert last weekend.   Even though we have watched this group, The Joint Heirs, many times and they sing some of the same songs each time, I tend  to get teary-eyed.  I can't help it. Different songs hit me at each concert, depending on what is going on in my life at that time.  Well, this night was no different.  Tears were running down my face, the pastor's wife handed me a tissue and I hear my husband compassionately whisper, "Quit your sniveling. We are supposed to be the rocks in this establishment."  I am used to this sort of teasing so I didn't miss a lick. I whispered back, "The Bible says that even the rocks will cry out."  Now, I did get a smile out of him, but my sisters would have laughed out loud!

Like my writing friends, my church sisters and I can play off each others humor very well too, but at a different level. We hang out a lot and have a lot of material we can use in our laugh sessions.   I set up a Sisters facebook page and we also have a group message. After one of our humorous  message sessions one of the girls decided that SIS should stand for Slightly Insane Sisters. Very fitting, I must say!

We have the younger women on there, the middle aged and the older women. The young girls in the group giggle at some of the conversations the middle-aged ones engage in, although they can be quick to throw a punchline in there as well. The older ones are usually so quiet that sometimes we forget they are there until we see a remark pop up from them, making us hope we didn't cross a boundary. Of course, we keep it clean, we just get carried away at teasing each other at times.  I approached one of the older ladies at church one day and said, "I hope we haven't been offensive in our interactions on our group message." She laughed and said she loved reading them and that she still  feels very young in her mind and hadn't been offended at all.

I love the assurance I have in this group of women that even though there is a time for laughter, that they will be the first lending a shoulder when there is a time for tears.  We have shared many heartaches over the years on many different levels, whether it be over hurt feelings, trouble with our children and marriages, or a death in the family. My sisters are the first ones that are there for me. They listen, the cry with me, they offer advice from the Bible and from their hearts.

My sisters and I are a team and I don't know what I do without them.   As our church grows, the needs become greater and I have some serious worker bees that I can call upon to help me. I love that!  I love that we can work together and serve together and laugh together.   This weekend we have been invited to go on a retreat with another church and five of us will be attending.   A few of them have not met my sisters from the other church yet and I am excited to see the interaction that they will have. I know my girls here will bring a flare to the event that I'm not quite sure the other girls are prepared for, but I can guarantee that flare is what will make them invite us again next year!  I also can guarantee that I will have a LOT more to write about next week upon our return!  God is good!

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends!

I just spent the day at a restaurant with a couple of great friends, although we were missing one from the group today who was unable to attend.   These are not girls that I am able to hang out with every day as we live in different parts of the valley. However, we love to get together to share a common interest: writing.  Each of us has a deep passion for writing. We have important things to tell the world and penning these ideas on paper is the path we have chosen.

Have you ever left someone's company feeling inspired and encouraged?  That is what these friends do for me.   If we are stuck on an aspect of writing, we are able to brainstorm together.  If we are needing an honest assessment of our work, we know we can count on each other to be truthful and helpful.  If we are embarking on a new writing adventure, we can count on each other to show enthusiasm.  I always leave our meetings wanting to go home and write!

We all need people in our lives who "get" us. When someone asks me about my projects, my heart FILLS with joy and  I could talk all day about it.  However, for the listener , a little bit may go a long way.   When you are with others who share a common interest, the sky is the limit.  You never have to worry about talking too much about one topic because they will be talking just as much about the same topic!

When this particular group and I get together, we play off of each other's humor well, which makes it even more fun!  We laugh and giggle and crack silly jokes.  There is a lot of play on words because words are our best friends!  If I use the same humor around my husband, I am more likely to get an eye roll than a chuckle. Although he is my biggest fan, our humor is not always on the same wavelength.

I want to encourage each of you to find your niche. What are your interests? What talents do you have? Find a group that will nurture those gifts. Meet with them periodically and experience that enjoyment of being you completely.   We have to spend enough time during our days trying to fit into molds that are too confining. Allow yourselves the freedom to meet with like-minded people who cheer you on in your endeavors.  It keeps us going!

The girls and I have been very excited to gather our talents together and offer opportunities to be that encouraging word in another writer's life and help them to achieve their dreams.  You can learn more about us (myself, Carol Green, Phyllis Vavold and Sheila Eismann) and see for yourself the exciting things that are going on in our world by visiting http://idahocreativeauthorsnetwork.com/ . We love being able to meet with other people that have  the passion for writing because we are able to customize our events according to their needs.

Be Careful With the Bananas!

         Our lives are based on relationships. Relationships with family, friends, our church, with God, employers, employees and believe it or not, everyone who crosses our path.   Too often, however , we get so wrapped up in taking care of ourselves and get so focused on  our own little world that we don't give ourselves fully to the people that are around us, even the ones closest to us.  From time to time we need to remember what it takes to nurture the relationships in our lives.  Are you all there for people? Are you committed to anybody other than yourself? Ouch.

Is there really anything so important in your day that you cannot be interrupted? Most of the things that surround us are just distractions that hinder our relationships.  We need to get a vision of what we want our relationships to look like and then take the steps necessary to reach those goals. Perhaps there are things that need cleared from our schedules. Perhaps there are things you need to work on in your own life to be able to be more transparent.

I did a fun activity with the kids from our youth group last week.   Each child was paired up with a partner. Each pair was given a knife, a plate and a banana.   The instructions were to cut the banana up, deciding as partners who would do the cutting and how many pieces they would cut it into.  I had only one girl team and they quietly discussed their plan. They made one neat slice across the middle of the banana, then stepped away from their plate. The younger boys made several neat slices and stepped away from their plates.  Two of my older boys in the group, however, sliced and diced their banana every which way until it was almost mashed up enough to feed the new baby born into our church family. They finally stepped away from their plate.

  They all waited for further instruction as I looked around at each team’s plate before smiling and saying, “Now put it back together.”  Jaws dropped.  You can imagine which team had their jaws drop the furthest.   I continued, “On the table, you will find clothes pins, tape, yarn and tooth picks. Your banana must look exactly as it did when I first handed it to you.”   The girls gently took their banana and secured the two halves with tooth picks then wrapped a piece of tape around it. Some of the boys got the inside of the banana looking pretty close but could not get the peel back on.  The older boys worked fast and furious, but truly there was no hope for their poor banana.

When every was cleaned up we discussed the lesson which you have probably figured out by now.   When we cut up and damage our relationships, most of the time we want to try to reconcile them and put them back together, but they will never be the same again. Even with the girls who only made one cut, there was still a scar.   The ones who mutilated their “relationship” tried very hard to get it back together, but there was no hope at all. That “relationship” could never be repaired.  It can really give us a visual and hopefully help us to understand that the relationships around us are so fragile.  

One parent and I were talking later about the experiment and after I said that those relationships would never be the same, she agreed, then said, “Sometimes they can look better.”  I pondered those words and she was absolutely right.  I thought about our marriages specifically.  We can say and do things to hurt our spouses. We can go through tough times, but as we work through it, it becomes a milestone that we can look back on and remind ourselves that we were overcomers.  We are stronger as we learn to weather the storms together.   I can see that happening with friendships and other relationships as well. The kids were able to use reinforcements to put the bananas back together. They SECURED them with other items to make the banana hold together stronger. We can do the same thing. We can SECURE our relationships with the foundation of God’s Word, with the new tools of communication, with new eyes of compassion toward the other. Our relationships can be strengthened through the lessons learned in the storms.   

I want to encourage you to slow down and really take the time to see who is around you. Take a moment and really look at your child.   Your spouse and children are around every day, but when is the last time you really looked at them and appreciated who they were? I challenge you to take the time to truly see people who come across your path this week. Look people in the eye and smile. Relationships are important and reconciliation can be so healing. If there are things that need to be taken care of, please do it. You are not guaranteed tomorrow.  Live your life with no regrets in those relationships!

Lose Sight of the Shore!

Lose Sight of the Shore!! 

            “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”  I came across this quote this week and it reminded me of the many steps I have had to go through as a pastor’s wife, as an author, and as one who wants to improve as a public speaker.

            Only fifteen years ago, I was a complete introvert. I would rather cross the street than chance having to look up and say hi to someone. People terrified me!    I had the perfect job for my “condition” as I was a medical transcriptionist and was able to sit in my own little office with headphones on all day and not talk to anybody.

When my family moved to Idaho, however, the only job opportunity that I had near home was at the local bank, where I had to work with the public all day long. My husband says that I began to “blossom”.   I enjoyed my customers and it was the one thing I missed when I chose to come home and be a stay-at-home mom.   My time at the bank however, was used as a stepping stone to help me be more comfortable around people because in 2006, my husband was called into the ministry.  The Lord was gracious in the fact that he slowly helped me to overcome my fear of people because now I was in a position where I would have to deal with a lot of people on many different levels. I quickly learned that people all needed to be ministered to differently.   It was quite the challenge for me.  

I had one woman in the church who completely empowered me. I have never been a great or confident decision maker and when I would ask her what her opinion was as far as preparing lessons for the youth group or Sunday School, she would turn it around and say, “Well, what do you think?”  With much uncertainty I would tell her my thoughts and she would smile and exclaim, “That sounds like a wonderful idea!”  She helped me to start moving away from the shore a little bit at a time and before I knew it I couldn’t see the shore anymore as I was planning events for the church, finding curriculum and planning lessons for the youth group, Sunday School, discipleship, women’s studies and fundraisers! 

Soon I found myself back at the shore when  I was asked to be a speaker at a Women’s Retreat.  I found myself getting off the boat and running inland as far as I could.   I had to speak at seven sessions.   Panic rose in me.   I did prepare my sessions….but ripped them up as I shouted to God that He could not make me get back on the boat.  The next day I taped up my papers and packed my suitcase.   I was not graceful at all as I talked. I shook and had to read every word off my paper.   I went to the bathroom and cried after each session as my nerves got the best of me.   How the Lord ever used any of my words to make a difference, I will never understand, but He did.  

As I was asked to do other speaking events, I graduated to using only an outline. I could tell the boat was starting to drift a little further from the shore.   I spoke and recorded a testimony that I gave to a church youth group and even got brave enough to send it to a Christian radio program, as it was in line with the topic of one of my books I had written. It wasn’t able to be used at that time, but I could feel the wind catching the sails of my boat, pushing me further out to sea.  I was asked to speak for a High School Career Days and did my first PowerPoint presentation and didn’t use any notes at all! That was a huge milestone for me.     

Last week I had the privilege of being on a panel with six other women authors. I realized that with it being a panel discussion I would not be able to prepare anything as I would have no idea what the audience would ask me about.   I got a bit nervous as people kept coming and coming into the event. I forced myself to mingle and smile.  We were finally called onto the stage and we introduced ourselves and our books.  People asked questions about writing and publishing and about our topics.   I never would have guessed the response that this short time on the panel would generate.   People were thanking us over and over again for being real and for being transparent and for encouraging them.   Little did they know how much the seven of us were truly encouraged!   This has fanned a flame in our hearts, letting us know that we have something to offer others! 

My boat is in the middle of the ocean right now.   I can’t see the shore…..and I’m not afraid.   I’m going to cross this ocean!

I would love to invite you to meet  the other women authors with whom I have had the privilege of learning and growing.   Their stories will bless you and encourage you!    http://idahocreativeauthorsnetwork.com/


Published works available at http://www.amazon.com/JoEllen-Claypool/e/B008I6EGR6

THE TABOO I AM WILLING TO TALK ABOUT: EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES

You know, abortion isn’t a topic that is just nonchalantly mentioned at the dinner table but when the topic is brought up, there are some pretty strong opinions.  Harsh words can shut people down in a heartbeat and for those who do have this issue in their past, it  will  cause them to retreat into a world of silence.  They feel that their voice will not be heard over the passionate, strong voices of others on the topic.

I think many people have a preconceived idea of the type of person who would go through with an abortion.   They don’t seem to take into account the circumstances surrounding the choice. I would like to introduce to you in this article the emotional consequences of this decision.

The abortion procedure itself can be a very traumatic experience to the woman’s body. This can cause her to experience Post Abortion Syndrome which is much like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Many women can dilute the symptoms of this for years with the use of drugs and alcohol. However, when they stop the use of such substances, the guilt-ridden secret that lingers in the attached shadow of that person still remains  for the body and mind to deal with. One moment in time, one decision, one act that they felt was right for them at the time can end up causing them a life of torment that now affects every person with whom they come in contact.

The physical consequences of abortion can be helped or dealt with using the assistance of the medical field, although some of those issues may never receive complete healing.  Emotional healing, on the other hand, will depend more on the woman herself.   This is something that can take years to accomplish, but ultimately she has to be the one to make the decision to claim that healing.

One thing that needs to be understood is that statistics say that 98% of the women who make this choice end up regretting it.  One might have a hard time understanding the mental torment that the women AND men go through when they come to terms with what they have done.  I include the men in this because many times we only hear about the women, but what about the men who were involved? The truth of the matter is that many of these men did not even get to have a voice about what happened to their child. Other men who did persuade the woman to go through with it are now plagued with guilt over their decision.  These moms and dads are tormented with flashbacks and a grief that seems will never go away. They battle thoughts of suicide. They are locked in a mental dungeon, bound by chains. Because of their fear of judgment and rejection, close relationships are hard to develop.  They feel the fewer people who are involved in their lives, the safer their secret is.

Although eating disorders could fall under physical consequences, it is also related to the emotions.   So often the women will feel the need to punish themselves.  They feel that dealing with the pain and issues that are brought on by eating disorders, or even the drug and alcohol abuse for that matter,  will be much easier to handle than the pain of the memories of their abortion.

Many memories may be repressed for these women which may be a natural defense mechanism of the body. However, over the years, certain facts may be brought back to them or addressed through new information given to them through media, classes and such. Then they are then forced to have to deal with one more thing regarding their past. Many will relive their past on the anniversary date or month, resulting in severe depression and outbursts of anger and remorse.

Women can also suffer insomnia, sleep walking episodes and recurrent nightmares which destroy their chance for rest of any kind during the night. Sleep aids may be needed to assist them with this. Others may use background noise to try to block out the noise in their minds or to distract the nightmares that fight to enter into their rest.

Panic attacks can occur at very random times. If the subject of abortion is brought up on radio or TV shows, it can cause anxiety. These times are easy to escape because the channel can just be changed. However, when the subject is brought up in a discussion or a Sunday school class or sermon, escape is not so easy. The panic comes when they realize that there is no way to get away from hearing truth and coming face to face with facts. A feeling of thinking that everybody knows “the secret” can be overwhelming.  Once a post-abortive woman comes to the point that she is willing to be healed emotionally, a whole new set of anxieties may present themselves.

Loss of self confidence is a problem that plagues these women as well. In light of their history of making poor choices, they will question themselves on decisions brought before them on many levels. Both men and women can doubt their parenting skills with future children they may have as they feel inadequate as a protector.

If you are someone who has suffered from these symptoms regarding the chains of your past, I want to encourage you that freedom is available. Leviticus 26:13 states that “I  broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with your heads held high.”  You can follow the links below to order a copy of The Secrets Behind the Eyes or visit my facebook page and message me. I would be happy to help you walk through that healing process. If you are someone who has not experienced this pain, I hope that you can look at these men and women in a new light.  As a nation, we need to mourn the children that are no more due to this decision. However, the mothers and fathers of these children are still here and they need healing. Have compassion on them and help them get to the foot of the cross where true healing can be found.  

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The Taboo I am Willing to Talk About - Physical Consequences

My last article introduced the topic for my next few writing sessions, namely abortion. People tend to have very judgmental responses when this issue is brought up. What I want to do is educate others on the consequences of this decision.   Today we will look at the physical complications  that can result from the abortion procedure.

 Some complications are immediate and can  be short-term or long-term. Shock is one thing that can happen due to significant blood loss, causing the blood pressure as the heart rate increased. Perforation of the uterus can cause pelvic abscess that can result in death. Hemorrhaging can be a sign of infection involving many areas invaded by the procedure. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, weakness and fever can be signs of infection. Either of these issues needs to be treated immediately.

Other complications can happen years down the road. A post-abortive woman has a 50% higher chance of getting breast cancer and increased risk of cancer of the ovaries, liver and cervix, especially if performed on a woman’s first pregnancy. The reasoning behind this is that the  interruption in the hormones causes millions of cells to be at a high risk.

The uterus has the possibility of being punctured due to the instruments used during the procedure. Cervical lacerations or tears can occur. Abortions can result in placenta previa causing the placenta to be too close to the cervix . This can result in pre-term labor in subsequent pregnancies, many times requiring a cesarean section delivery of the baby. This condition can carry a higher risk of death and handicaps in newborns.

Pelvic inflammatory disease (inflammation of the reproductive organs) is yet another physical risk. This has many complications in itself, causing severe pelvic pain and scarring in the fallopian tubes.  It is a major cause of ectopic pregnancies in which the fertilized egg remains in the fallopian tube rather than making its way to the uterus.   This can be life threatening and can also be a factor in infertility.

Another heartbreaking circumstance that can occur is miscarriage, which is the natural termination of a pregnancy. Chances of miscarrying in a future pregnancy are increased by 45% for these women. That brings on a whole new list of issues. Not only can this cause more physical complications with the risk of scar tissue building up, but there are many emotional scars caused by this event also. The woman or couple has to work through the trauma of losing a child, telling others what happened and gain courage to try again. In general, post-abortive women are in poorer health overall.

As you can see, the risk that a woman takes is very great regarding the physical consequences. Women need to be more informed and truly understand what their future may hold in terms of illnesses and subsequent difficulties. It also needs to register within the minds of these women what they possibly may not hold in their future….a child.

The next article will reveal the emotional consequences of abortion. My hope as you continue to follow this  series is that you will start understanding the lives of the men and women involved in this decision. Although the choice may have been made out of  a dire situation with the hopes of things being “better” because of it, the life they have had to live every day since that choice was anything but better.   I want you, the reader, to understand that there is more behind the person than the choice they made.  Until next time, slow down and take a look into people’s eyes and try to see their story. Be an encouragement to them!

http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Behind-Eyes-JoEllen-Claypool-ebook/dp/B00FD65ZTM/

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