Chaos vs Creativity

We started a new women’s Bible study this week.  The woman leading it did a great job of incorporating the new adult coloring book idea into the introduction of this study. We talked about learning to color nicer as we mature. We wouldn’t expect  a one year old to color in the lines. Are her scribbles ugly? No! Because we understand that it is coming from a one year old.  God is patient with us as we learn to color our lives but wants to have us relinquish the crayons to Him so that He can color our lives. Does he erase the scribbles we have made? No! He blends the colors to make a beautiful picture!

That day’s study was wonderful, but something has been bugging my brain all week. The leader had us choose a picture from the coloring book. Then she went around the room and asked each of us why we chose the pictures we did. One woman chose hers because it had butterflies on it. Another chose her because of the flowers.  An older woman in the group said she picked hers out based on simplicity. A newer woman held hers up and commented on the symmetry of it. Then I held up mine.   I revealed to the group, “I chose it because it had no order.”

That statement has bothered me all week and as I pondered the choices of the other women, I realized how similar our coloring pictures were to our individual lives. I looked at my picture again. It was probably the most chaotic, disorderly, random design of shapes there was in the book. It was like every created shape was thrown into the air and someone scrambled around the room trying to catch each one on a piece of paper before it hit the floor. 

Chaos. Is that really an accurate description of my life? I wonder if we could use a more positive term…like Creative. I like that one much better. I know I’m a busy person. I do feel that my mind is as cluttered as my home.  I really don’t mean that in a negative way, but I homeschool and my kids are constantly going different directions. I am a pastor’s wife and am involved in several aspects of the ministry. I write and am always entertaining new topics to write about for blogs, magazines, and books. How am I supposed to organize chaos like that? Is it really to be considered chaos? Why does that word bother me so much? I don’t want to be associated with that word.

I have been told by several people that I bring a sense of calm to them. A chaotic person wouldn’t be able to do that, would they?  I feel I should look at the picture again and see if I can somehow bring a sense of order to the randomness. That would fall under Creativity, wouldn’t it?

I think I could be an orderly person. I do know how to clean my house. I know what has to be done. I would just rather be doing something else. Is that a bad thing?  I can put words in order. My bills are paid and my grocery lists are in order and everyone gets to where they need to be. That requires a certain sense of order, doesn’t it?  So maybe it’s just all the thoughts in my head that are all trying to get to the front of the line that need to be set in place.  Perhaps if I keep all that chaos in my head, until it can get out on paper, I will be okay.  Perhaps next time I will put more thought into the pictures in the coloring book so I don’t spend the following week beating myself up.  I know I overthink things; it’s what I do. Happy coloring!